So, I've been blogging.
Just not here.
I kind of needed time to, um, find my blogging "voice" without sharing it with people I know (other than Sara, of course).
Mainly, I'm using this new blog to track my progress as I do this half marathon training, but I'd say I end up discussing things from a spiritual perspective a lot of the time. Based on my sister's recommendation, I'm trying to record one "thought" that came to mind as a result of each run.
And, I've easily made up for the posts I didn't do for Sara last year, since I'm trying to blog a thought after each run.
So there. My secret's out. If you care to see it, the new blog's at http://dansreallife.wordpress.com/.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Huge, Embarrassing Failure
This is exactly why I'm not making any official, public resolutions for 2010. I'd say I tried to keep my word, Sara, in getting 52 posts in 2009, but that would probably not be true. This past year has been one of the busiest, most stressful (albeit, good) years, and I just never had the energy or motivation to keep up with this. Sorry. I might just keep the blog going for 2010, but this time I know better than to make any promises about the number of posts I'll make.
That being said, if you counted 1 facebook update as, say, 1/4 of a blog entry, I probably far exceeded the number of posts I promised.
Merry Christmas, Sara.
The end.
That being said, if you counted 1 facebook update as, say, 1/4 of a blog entry, I probably far exceeded the number of posts I promised.
Merry Christmas, Sara.
The end.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Day 3
Monday, August 31 -- Hike with the boys, Gabe swimming with Justin, Caleb sleeping through dinner
So after getting our first good night's sleep, I was anxious to get out and explore, and the boys needed to move around a little, too. We ate a little breakfast and the three of us set out for a nice morning hike. The town we were staying in was a tourist-y little town with all kinds of shops and such. Fortunately, the hotel where we stayed had its own hiking trail, away from all the shops and all the tourists. Well, all of them except for the boys and me. I didn't bring the camera along, and I wish I had. The trail led through woods full of wild apple trees. Caleb loved picking up the apples and throwing them in a big mid-trail mud puddle. At the end of the wooded trail, you have to climb up these little boulders onto a rock path that follows a shallow river. Caleb loved sitting on the edge of the path, throwing rocks into the river. Anyway, we hiked for a while, just to see where the path would take us. Around one bend was a great view of one of the rock-faced mountains (not sure which one). We eventually decided to turn around and head back to our room. We don't get to hike (in nature) much, and I think it was Caleb's first time joining Gabe and me for the exploration of a hiking trail. It was just really fun to get to have that time with the boys. I was impressed with their endurance (though I did have to alternate piggy-back rides on the return trip). I was also impressed with Gabe's attention to the route we took. On the way back down the river path, I was about to obliviously walk right past the boulders we needed to climb down to get back to the apple tree path back to the hotel. Gabe stopped me and was like, "Daddy, don't we need to go that way?"
Later that morning, my great friend Justin joined us for the day. He's been my friend since the 6th grade, when I moved to Maine. He always does such a good job interacting with the boys, and they, of course, took to him right away. I think he must be magic. Both boys wanted to hold Justin's hands as we walked into Friendly's for lunch (impressive in that Caleb is going through this independent thing where he refuses to hold someone's hand in a parking lot, etc..."No. I got.")
Anyway, we had some good food and ice cream at Friendly's (rushed a little by Caleb's impatience with sit-down restaurants) and went back to the hotel to swim in the indoor pool. Again with the magic: Gabe is normally terribly timid around a (grown-up) swimming pool. With me, he clings tight and will barely sit on the edge and plop into the water for me to catch him. He went to Justin, and within minutes, he was leaping a good 3 feet into the pool for Justin to catch him, putting his face in the water, and even walking on his own in the 3' section, where the water comes up to his chin. It was pretty fun to watch.From there, we went outside for a while. Justin and I played shuffleboard. Yes, shuffleboard. And it was actually pretty fun. Wow...this is what "old" feels like.
After a long and active day, we decided to drive to a restaurant that was 20 minutes away for dinner. The place was called The Red Fox (nothing to do with Sanford & Son). The greatest thing...it had a movie room for kids to sit and watch a movie while we waited to be seated. No wait, that wasn't the greatest thing. The greatest thing was that, on the way to the restaurant, Caleb fell asleep. And stayed asleep through dinner. And we go to take our time and eat a relaxing meal and catch up with Justin.
Day 2
Sweet Mountain Air
Okay, back to the trip. Seems like a long time ago now; I might have waited too long to write much of anything thoughtful.
Here's what I remember from Day 2: We drove from Buffalo to our hotel in New Hampshire.
I can't remember a lot of the details. What I do remember is this: Clementine, our car's female-voiced GPS, routed us through Vermont into New Hampshire. We were only in Vermont for about 20 minutes...must have driven through the skinny part, but it was here that the scenery started to get a lot more picturesque. My favorite memory was, a while after we crossed the New Hampshire state line and were driving on back-road highways, we turned off the AC and rolled down the windows.
You know you've been in the city too long when rolling down your windows in New Hampshire becomes your favorite memory for that day. There was this cool moisture in the air that just smelled so clean and felt so good to breathe. I just remember Sara and me explaining to the boys that what was coming through their windows was sweet mountain air.
Oh yeah, we then stopped in this tiny college town at a pizza place for dinner. Had a pizza with feta cheese, chicken, tomatoes, and greek olives. It was good.
We got to our hotel pretty late, got the kids to bed, unloaded the car, and crashed.
Okay, back to the trip. Seems like a long time ago now; I might have waited too long to write much of anything thoughtful.
Here's what I remember from Day 2: We drove from Buffalo to our hotel in New Hampshire.
I can't remember a lot of the details. What I do remember is this: Clementine, our car's female-voiced GPS, routed us through Vermont into New Hampshire. We were only in Vermont for about 20 minutes...must have driven through the skinny part, but it was here that the scenery started to get a lot more picturesque. My favorite memory was, a while after we crossed the New Hampshire state line and were driving on back-road highways, we turned off the AC and rolled down the windows.
You know you've been in the city too long when rolling down your windows in New Hampshire becomes your favorite memory for that day. There was this cool moisture in the air that just smelled so clean and felt so good to breathe. I just remember Sara and me explaining to the boys that what was coming through their windows was sweet mountain air.
Oh yeah, we then stopped in this tiny college town at a pizza place for dinner. Had a pizza with feta cheese, chicken, tomatoes, and greek olives. It was good.
We got to our hotel pretty late, got the kids to bed, unloaded the car, and crashed.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Day 1
Day 1a: Failure to Launch
So we thought about starting the trip Friday afternoon/evening. Seemed to make good sense. I had plenty of hours at work and was able to leave by the early afternoon, and it wouldn't take that long to pack.
Problem was, I am (temporarily) sort of, well, actually changing jobs at Circle since budget stuff is so tight (Not going to explain it here for the sake of time and staying on point). I hoped to get most of the loose ends tied up with the mentoring job before leaving for vacation so I could hit the ground running with my new responsibilities when I got back. So I ended up working later than expected. (I've been back for a few days and am still trying to get those loose ends tied...)
Packing is never a fast process for us. I blame it on the kids. And Sara. (Another rabbit trail...While my preference is to throw some things together and hit the road, Sara is quite thorough. She thinks through all the contingencies so that regardless of the situation, we'll be prepared to take care of the boys. Which is great. Really, it is. ) By the time it got to be 8 or 9:00 and we were still packing, we knew the trip would have to wait for Saturday morning. I think we finally had the car fully loaded by midnight or 12:30.
I don't have any pics to share from this (rather boring) part of the vacation story. I bet you're glad.
Day 1b: Buffalo Hurds
We finally hit the road around 8 or 9:00 on Saturday morning, bound for Buffalo, NY. A high school friend of mine lives there with her family (The Hurds) and extended the invite for us to crash there for a halfway-to-Maine break. Sara and I gratefully accepted.
Sidebar: I think we were not even through Indiana before Gabe asked for the first time if we were almost to Maine. I must have told him it would take like 7 movies before we got there because he kept asking me, throughout the week, if he had watched 7 movies yet. Thank goodness for the car DVD player...really don't think a cross-country road trip could happen without one.
Sidebar #2: I explained to Gabe that we were going to New Hampshire, not Maine first. He thought a "Hampshire" was a fuzzy rodent that runs in a wheel...I think he said something like, "I don't like Hampshires" and proceeded to describe a hampster. First the turd (see a couple posts below) and now the hampshire. But I digress.
The Hurds (Amy & Tim) actually have two boys almost the exact same ages as Gabe & Caleb, each just a little older, and they all got along really well. I love seeing Gabie come out of his shell to make new friends, and he definitely did just that. (Caleb, on the other hand, is a lot less shy with peers.) It was cool to see how similar each of our boys was to their counterpart in personality. Funny thing was that instead of pairing off by age, Gabe played more with the younger sibling and Caleb played more with the older one, and they had a blast. It was great, too, catching up with an old friend and getting to know her husband. We really enjoyed their hospitatlity. And can I just say...they made this steak for dinner that was off the chain (Parents, that means "really good"). (Amy/Tim...if either of you happen to read this and wouldn't mind leaving the recipe as a comment, that'd be great :) ) After a great night's rest and a delicious breakfast, we loaded up and hit the road for our destination in New Hampshire.
So we thought about starting the trip Friday afternoon/evening. Seemed to make good sense. I had plenty of hours at work and was able to leave by the early afternoon, and it wouldn't take that long to pack.
Problem was, I am (temporarily) sort of, well, actually changing jobs at Circle since budget stuff is so tight (Not going to explain it here for the sake of time and staying on point). I hoped to get most of the loose ends tied up with the mentoring job before leaving for vacation so I could hit the ground running with my new responsibilities when I got back. So I ended up working later than expected. (I've been back for a few days and am still trying to get those loose ends tied...)
Packing is never a fast process for us. I blame it on the kids. And Sara. (Another rabbit trail...While my preference is to throw some things together and hit the road, Sara is quite thorough. She thinks through all the contingencies so that regardless of the situation, we'll be prepared to take care of the boys. Which is great. Really, it is. ) By the time it got to be 8 or 9:00 and we were still packing, we knew the trip would have to wait for Saturday morning. I think we finally had the car fully loaded by midnight or 12:30.
I don't have any pics to share from this (rather boring) part of the vacation story. I bet you're glad.
Day 1b: Buffalo Hurds
We finally hit the road around 8 or 9:00 on Saturday morning, bound for Buffalo, NY. A high school friend of mine lives there with her family (The Hurds) and extended the invite for us to crash there for a halfway-to-Maine break. Sara and I gratefully accepted.
Sidebar: I think we were not even through Indiana before Gabe asked for the first time if we were almost to Maine. I must have told him it would take like 7 movies before we got there because he kept asking me, throughout the week, if he had watched 7 movies yet. Thank goodness for the car DVD player...really don't think a cross-country road trip could happen without one.
Sidebar #2: I explained to Gabe that we were going to New Hampshire, not Maine first. He thought a "Hampshire" was a fuzzy rodent that runs in a wheel...I think he said something like, "I don't like Hampshires" and proceeded to describe a hampster. First the turd (see a couple posts below) and now the hampshire. But I digress.
The Hurds (Amy & Tim) actually have two boys almost the exact same ages as Gabe & Caleb, each just a little older, and they all got along really well. I love seeing Gabie come out of his shell to make new friends, and he definitely did just that. (Caleb, on the other hand, is a lot less shy with peers.) It was cool to see how similar each of our boys was to their counterpart in personality. Funny thing was that instead of pairing off by age, Gabe played more with the younger sibling and Caleb played more with the older one, and they had a blast. It was great, too, catching up with an old friend and getting to know her husband. We really enjoyed their hospitatlity. And can I just say...they made this steak for dinner that was off the chain (Parents, that means "really good"). (Amy/Tim...if either of you happen to read this and wouldn't mind leaving the recipe as a comment, that'd be great :) ) After a great night's rest and a delicious breakfast, we loaded up and hit the road for our destination in New Hampshire.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Live free or die in Vacationland
The family and I just got back last night from our second road trip to New England in a little over a year. This time, sans the grandmothers but avec the new car.Overall, I'd have to say it was a wonderful trip. Not without it's "pull-my-hair-out-if Caleb-doesn't-stop-screeching-from-the-back-seat," or those "if-Gabe-sasses-once-more-I'll-become-a-believer-in-whoopin's" moments, but wonderful, nonetheless.
Justin, my best friend from childhood was getting married on Sept 5. Sara and I decided not long after getting the news that it would be best to drive out and make it our summer vacation. I'm really glad we did. Really thankful to have had the opportunity. Still kinda wishing we were a thousand miles northeast of here.
For those who are keeping track of my, ahem, commitment to blog once a week for 2009, I'm going to use this vacation as a chance to play a little catch-up. My hope is to do one entry sharing the highlights for each of the days of this most recent trip. Quite honestly, I'm not doing it to share so much as I am to do something to preserve the memories and record my thoughts for the sake of my own recollection. And since it would kind of be a pain to print pictures to add to my journal, I'm going to do the (somewhat self-censored) journaling here.
Here are the things I think I'll write about from each day:
Day 1a: Friday, August 28 -- Failure to launch
Day 1b: Saturday, August 29 -- Buffalo Hurds
Day 2: Sunday, August 30 -- Sweet Mountain Air
Day 3: Monday, August 31 -- Hike with the boys, Gabe swimming with Justin, Caleb sleeping through dinner
Day 4: Tuesday, Sept.1 -- Fishing and more fishing. Bear poop. Winthrop.
Day 5: Wednesday, Sept 2 -- Ocean and my adventure buddy
Day 6: Thursday, Sept 3 -- Rest, Choo-choo, More swimming, Moose Crossing Scam, Laundry
Day 7: Friday, Sept 4 -- Fishing, Shopping ($5 Lids), New Hampshire State Pen
Day 8: Saturday, Sept 5 -- Long drive, Wedding, Gabe's new friends, the Toast I didn't give
Day 9: Sunday, Sept 6 -- Long hard road, Mt Holyoke, So much for driving straight through
Day 10: Sunday, Sept 7 -- The White Stag, Clementine, Gary, and Back in the Chi.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Made me laugh...
This afternoon, Sara's grandma saw a little baby toad in Norma's yard and she picked it up so Gabe could see it.
Gabe and I had a great time playing with it in the front yard. We named it Kermit.
Now, Gabe gets word mixed up sometimes. He calls Culver's "Clovers," etc.
Sara's aunt pulled in to Norma's driveway as Gabe and I were sitting on the lawn, watching Kermit sit in the plastic cup where we put him.
I asked Gabe if he wanted to tell Judy what we had. Naturally, in his enthusiasm, he was eager to share.
He ran to Judy's car and said, "Guess what me and Daddy found....A turd! Do you want to see it?" (She was a good sport...before I corrected Gabe, she said yes...I can only imagine the thoughts that ran through her mind as Gabe asked that and she saw me sitting, looking into this plastic cup.)
That one still has me cracking up...thought I'd share.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Another "God" conversation with Gabe
So I was putting Gabe to bed tonight, and when we were going to pray, he told me he wanted to ask me about something. I love the questions he asks about God. I'd like to remember this, so I'll try to recreate the dialogue below:
Gabe: Does God sleep?
Me: No. He never sleeps. He's always watching over us and everybody else. He doesn't need to sleep because He's God.
Gabe: Well, does He eat breakfast?
Me: No, He doesn't need to eat, either.
Gabe: Doesn't He have a mouth?
Me: I think He has a mouth; He just doesn't need to eat because He's God.
Gabe: Lunch or supper either?
Me: I don't think so. But, when He came to Earth as a man a long time ago, as Jesus, He ate then.
Gabe: (Exasperated) What? Are you telling me God came to Earth?
Me: Yeah, He came to Earth as Jesus a long time ago. That's what makes Jesus so special.
Gabe: Is this for real?
Me: Yes, it's for real.
Gabe: What did He eat?
Me: All I know is that He ate fish and bread. (Gabe snuggles Lambie, his little stuffed lamb, just as I say,) He might have eaten lamb.
Gabe: What? I thought God liked lambs. (With that "I'm a little saddened by this, but I don't want to share this verbally" look in his eyes.)
Me: Oh, I mean, I think people back then used to eat lamb. I don't know if Jesus did.
Gabe: Well how did He get down here? Did He have a parachute?
Me: No, He was born as a baby. Remember the Christmas story? (I briefly re-tell the Christmas story...)
This lead to talking about miracles, which brought us back to one of the pages we read just before this conversation from his children's Bible, where Jesus turns water into wine, which led to Gabe asking "What's wine?" And we carried on with a 10 minute discussion on the fermentation of grape juice from there.
Okay, so we didn't discuss the fermentation of grape juice, but the rest is true. Priceless stuff.
Gabe: Does God sleep?
Me: No. He never sleeps. He's always watching over us and everybody else. He doesn't need to sleep because He's God.
Gabe: Well, does He eat breakfast?
Me: No, He doesn't need to eat, either.
Gabe: Doesn't He have a mouth?
Me: I think He has a mouth; He just doesn't need to eat because He's God.
Gabe: Lunch or supper either?
Me: I don't think so. But, when He came to Earth as a man a long time ago, as Jesus, He ate then.
Gabe: (Exasperated) What? Are you telling me God came to Earth?
Me: Yeah, He came to Earth as Jesus a long time ago. That's what makes Jesus so special.
Gabe: Is this for real?
Me: Yes, it's for real.
Gabe: What did He eat?
Me: All I know is that He ate fish and bread. (Gabe snuggles Lambie, his little stuffed lamb, just as I say,) He might have eaten lamb.
Gabe: What? I thought God liked lambs. (With that "I'm a little saddened by this, but I don't want to share this verbally" look in his eyes.)
Me: Oh, I mean, I think people back then used to eat lamb. I don't know if Jesus did.
Gabe: Well how did He get down here? Did He have a parachute?
Me: No, He was born as a baby. Remember the Christmas story? (I briefly re-tell the Christmas story...)
This lead to talking about miracles, which brought us back to one of the pages we read just before this conversation from his children's Bible, where Jesus turns water into wine, which led to Gabe asking "What's wine?" And we carried on with a 10 minute discussion on the fermentation of grape juice from there.
Okay, so we didn't discuss the fermentation of grape juice, but the rest is true. Priceless stuff.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Stay-Cation: A Week in Review...
Well, tomorrow I go back to work.
I'm glad I don't feel super bummed...thought I would.
While the past week didn't go exactly as I'd envisioned when I requested the time off (thought we'd have a sitter for a couple days and that I'd use those days to get some projects done around the house), I don't know that I'd change anything about it. A ton of moments treasured with the fam...that was a real blessing.
For my own sake, more than anything, I want to chronicle the highlights of each of the days of my stay-cation.
Friday, July 3: Gabe and I made a Costco run...had lunch at Subway...doesn't sound too exciting, but I really enjoy those 1-1 times with Gabe. He thrives on 1-1 attention and conversation, and I really enjoyed that time with him. He had a turkey sub with nothing but tomatoes on it and ate almost the whole thing. When we got home and unloaded the car, Sara and I decided spontaneously to take the boys to see "Up" in 3-D. It was Caleb's first big screen experience...He was pretty freaked out at first, but ended up sitting on my lap and paying attention to the movie the whole way through. I really enjoyed watching him devour popcorn...He just kept stuffing it in his mouthas fast as his little hand could move back and forth between his face and the popcorn tub. In every scene that showed the house being carried away by the balloons, he'd wave and say, "Bye-bye, b'oons."
Saturday, July 4: Went to Rockford...highlights included the annual Minnick picnic at Sara's mom's...awesome BBQ beef from Sara's grandma and good brats from Becky (and getting to try on Beck's full fire fighter gear, and watching Gabe talk like Darth Vader while wearing Beck's face mask...the only video of Darth Vader he's seen is in the "Chad After Dentist" video, so instead of saying something like, "Luke, I am your father," he was saying "Do I have stitches in my vent?"...). Also was very cool watching Caleb love everyone singing "Happy Birthday" to him. That night, a BBQ and eating near the Rock River (fantastic homemade potato salad...the way my Grandma Schemenauer used to make it) and watching the fireworks from my mom's building. Really enjoyed walking across the Whitman St Bridge with Gabie (long before the festivities began).
Sunday, July 5: Great breakfast at my mom's, went to hang out with Sara's dad. Nice low-key afternoon...I even got to sneak away for a little while to hit some golf balls at Elliot Park in Rockford (that was the extent of my golfing for the week, but I'm really not too sad about that). Crashed at Sara's dad's and I watched Gran Torino after everyone else went to sleep...really liked it for the mentoring theme as well as some of the deeper themes...wouldn't recommend it to anyone really sensitive to racism and/or language though.
Monday, July 6: Spent the day with Sara and the boys at Coco Key in Rockford. We had a blast there for Gabe's birthday, so we thought it would be good to repeat for Caleb's birthday. Had a blast once again...the boys really love that place, and we really enjoy seeing how much they enjoy it. Gabe and I went shopping for Caleb's b-day presents that afternoon...Gabe is enjoying picking out presents "Caleb" would really like. I think we had Culver's that night, too...Mmmmmmm. Came home to Chi-town.
Tuesday, July 7: Caleb's 2nd Birthday :) Gabe helped him open his presents in the morning; Sara went out and got McD's hotcakes for breakfast, and we went to the zoo that afternoon. Caleb is especially liking the dinosaur exhibit at the zoo, that and the childrens zoo next door. Drove out to Lombard for dinner at Ed Debevic's that night...Gotta say that it's just not the same in the suburbs.
Wednesday, July 8: Sara had to work. The boys and I dropped her off and went to the Shedd Aquarium. Not so fun being a solo adult in that setting...Caleb was more interested in getting out of the stroller to play with the buckles than he was in the fish. And lots of summer camp kids and tourists. Just not too fun. So we left and decided to explore...I wanted to see how close I could get the boys to the waterfront...found a fantastic little beach just south of the Planetarium. Had it almost totally to ourselves due to the dreary weather we had that day. I realized it was Caleb's first time walking on a beach...when we were in Maine last summer, he wasn't quite walking yet. He was freaked out at first, but ended up having a great time standing on the edge of the water and throwing rocks into the lake. Gabe really enjoyed letting the water was over his feet. I'd say the 40 minutes we spent on this beach were probably one of my favorite highlights of the week. Caleb though walking on the dry sand on the way back to the stroller was hilarious...he was squealing and laughing the whole way.
Thursday, July 9: Didn't really plan anything for this day other than chilling out at home...was kinda boring. My brother Cory texted me, though and the boys and I ended up driving out to his college apartment to pick him up to bring him to the house to hang out for a while. The boys really enjoyed getting to see their Uncle Cory. After picking Sara up from the train, we all went out for a delicious meal at Fuego Loco...Yum. Very cool having Cory sorta nearby now...really enjoyed getting to hang with him.
Friday, July 10: I honestly don't remember anything too exciting from this day...spent a good chunk of time car shopping...saw one I really liked but didn't think it was going to work out. Oh well. Went to the library with Sara and the boys after some curry at one of our favorite local Thai spots. More yum. Gabe and I did some work in the basement. Home project asccomplishment for the week= reassambly of a big cabinet we keep down there that had fallen apart. At one point, though, at a discouraging moment, Gabe said something about not wanting to work with me anymore because I wasn't a very good fixer. Thanks for your confidence in me, Gabe.
Saturday, July 11: Actually had to work for a few hours; we had a mentor/mentee bowling outing. Was pretty fun, and a great way to start mentally transitioning back to work. Through the day, was going back and forth with the car dealer with the car I really wanted...ended up driving all the way to Marengo in our van (no AC, passenger window decided it would not go down, Sara baking (as in, personally, not pound cake), Gabe saying for about 20 minutes, "Get me outta here"...) to test drive this car. Test drove it with the boys...3 hours later, left with our new (to us) car. By far, the nicest car we've ever owned...pretty psyched about it (if I can borrow that term from 1992)...Best part was seeing the excitement in Sara's eyes and her bid smile as we drove away...truly a highlight of the week. :) Drove to Rockford (since we were so close, and so excited) and Bob, Norma and my mom met us at Dairy Queen to check it out. Got home uber (sp?) late.
Sunday, July 12: Church...still so thankful that Gabe is liking childrens' church, that he has a buddy there he looks forward to seeing. (Caleb continues to cry non-stop in the nursery...tried having him "Cry it out" today...Doesn't work with him.) Sara and the boys cleaned out the "old" van while I grilled chicken. Highlight of the day was taking Gabie to wash the old van tonight. We had some deep conversation. On the way to the car wash, there was a sermon on the radio (Yes, I listen to sermons sometimes when I'm driving:) about the Good Samaritan...Gabe heard the speaker say that it was a story about Justice, and Gabe asked me "Daddy, what is justice?" I tried to explain...how do you explain such a concept to a 4-year old? Then, the speaker quoted Jesus from the Bible, and Gabe goes,"That's not how God sounds when he talks." And we got into another discussion about what God sounds like when He talks. Interesting stuff...Got to a point where Gabe said "Okay, that's enough of this talk." Gabe really enjoyed helping wash the van and drying it with the vending machine chamois I tore in half so we could each have one. On the way home, way past Gabe's bedtime, we stopped at Baskin Robbins for their $.88 soft serve cones...good stuff. It was just so fun to sit there and talk with Gabe; that old "Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie...Louie, Louie, Louie, Louaah" song came on and we had fun singing it together in our falsetto voices, Gabe with ice cream all over his face. On the way home, Gabe saw a police car and we had yet another deep discussion, this time about the police. He had a lot of questions, but one of them was along the lines of "Are some police nice?" (Sidebar...It's frustrating to not be able to say what most people would want to say in that situation, that police are always "nice," except to people who do bad things, but personal experience (and the Chicago news)would tell me otherwise...Sometimes it's hard to be honest with a kid... ) Anyway, I just treasured that time with Gabe...Neat to see that significant 1-1 time doing mundane errands book-ended this week off and were a couple of my favorite memories...
It's been a great week. If you have read this far and want to see pics of any of this...maybe check Sara's blog...I need to get to bed; I have work tomorrow.
I'm glad I don't feel super bummed...thought I would.
While the past week didn't go exactly as I'd envisioned when I requested the time off (thought we'd have a sitter for a couple days and that I'd use those days to get some projects done around the house), I don't know that I'd change anything about it. A ton of moments treasured with the fam...that was a real blessing.
For my own sake, more than anything, I want to chronicle the highlights of each of the days of my stay-cation.
Friday, July 3: Gabe and I made a Costco run...had lunch at Subway...doesn't sound too exciting, but I really enjoy those 1-1 times with Gabe. He thrives on 1-1 attention and conversation, and I really enjoyed that time with him. He had a turkey sub with nothing but tomatoes on it and ate almost the whole thing. When we got home and unloaded the car, Sara and I decided spontaneously to take the boys to see "Up" in 3-D. It was Caleb's first big screen experience...He was pretty freaked out at first, but ended up sitting on my lap and paying attention to the movie the whole way through. I really enjoyed watching him devour popcorn...He just kept stuffing it in his mouthas fast as his little hand could move back and forth between his face and the popcorn tub. In every scene that showed the house being carried away by the balloons, he'd wave and say, "Bye-bye, b'oons."
Saturday, July 4: Went to Rockford...highlights included the annual Minnick picnic at Sara's mom's...awesome BBQ beef from Sara's grandma and good brats from Becky (and getting to try on Beck's full fire fighter gear, and watching Gabe talk like Darth Vader while wearing Beck's face mask...the only video of Darth Vader he's seen is in the "Chad After Dentist" video, so instead of saying something like, "Luke, I am your father," he was saying "Do I have stitches in my vent?"...). Also was very cool watching Caleb love everyone singing "Happy Birthday" to him. That night, a BBQ and eating near the Rock River (fantastic homemade potato salad...the way my Grandma Schemenauer used to make it) and watching the fireworks from my mom's building. Really enjoyed walking across the Whitman St Bridge with Gabie (long before the festivities began).
Sunday, July 5: Great breakfast at my mom's, went to hang out with Sara's dad. Nice low-key afternoon...I even got to sneak away for a little while to hit some golf balls at Elliot Park in Rockford (that was the extent of my golfing for the week, but I'm really not too sad about that). Crashed at Sara's dad's and I watched Gran Torino after everyone else went to sleep...really liked it for the mentoring theme as well as some of the deeper themes...wouldn't recommend it to anyone really sensitive to racism and/or language though.
Monday, July 6: Spent the day with Sara and the boys at Coco Key in Rockford. We had a blast there for Gabe's birthday, so we thought it would be good to repeat for Caleb's birthday. Had a blast once again...the boys really love that place, and we really enjoy seeing how much they enjoy it. Gabe and I went shopping for Caleb's b-day presents that afternoon...Gabe is enjoying picking out presents "Caleb" would really like. I think we had Culver's that night, too...Mmmmmmm. Came home to Chi-town.
Tuesday, July 7: Caleb's 2nd Birthday :) Gabe helped him open his presents in the morning; Sara went out and got McD's hotcakes for breakfast, and we went to the zoo that afternoon. Caleb is especially liking the dinosaur exhibit at the zoo, that and the childrens zoo next door. Drove out to Lombard for dinner at Ed Debevic's that night...Gotta say that it's just not the same in the suburbs.
Wednesday, July 8: Sara had to work. The boys and I dropped her off and went to the Shedd Aquarium. Not so fun being a solo adult in that setting...Caleb was more interested in getting out of the stroller to play with the buckles than he was in the fish. And lots of summer camp kids and tourists. Just not too fun. So we left and decided to explore...I wanted to see how close I could get the boys to the waterfront...found a fantastic little beach just south of the Planetarium. Had it almost totally to ourselves due to the dreary weather we had that day. I realized it was Caleb's first time walking on a beach...when we were in Maine last summer, he wasn't quite walking yet. He was freaked out at first, but ended up having a great time standing on the edge of the water and throwing rocks into the lake. Gabe really enjoyed letting the water was over his feet. I'd say the 40 minutes we spent on this beach were probably one of my favorite highlights of the week. Caleb though walking on the dry sand on the way back to the stroller was hilarious...he was squealing and laughing the whole way.
Thursday, July 9: Didn't really plan anything for this day other than chilling out at home...was kinda boring. My brother Cory texted me, though and the boys and I ended up driving out to his college apartment to pick him up to bring him to the house to hang out for a while. The boys really enjoyed getting to see their Uncle Cory. After picking Sara up from the train, we all went out for a delicious meal at Fuego Loco...Yum. Very cool having Cory sorta nearby now...really enjoyed getting to hang with him.
Friday, July 10: I honestly don't remember anything too exciting from this day...spent a good chunk of time car shopping...saw one I really liked but didn't think it was going to work out. Oh well. Went to the library with Sara and the boys after some curry at one of our favorite local Thai spots. More yum. Gabe and I did some work in the basement. Home project asccomplishment for the week= reassambly of a big cabinet we keep down there that had fallen apart. At one point, though, at a discouraging moment, Gabe said something about not wanting to work with me anymore because I wasn't a very good fixer. Thanks for your confidence in me, Gabe.
Saturday, July 11: Actually had to work for a few hours; we had a mentor/mentee bowling outing. Was pretty fun, and a great way to start mentally transitioning back to work. Through the day, was going back and forth with the car dealer with the car I really wanted...ended up driving all the way to Marengo in our van (no AC, passenger window decided it would not go down, Sara baking (as in, personally, not pound cake), Gabe saying for about 20 minutes, "Get me outta here"...) to test drive this car. Test drove it with the boys...3 hours later, left with our new (to us) car. By far, the nicest car we've ever owned...pretty psyched about it (if I can borrow that term from 1992)...Best part was seeing the excitement in Sara's eyes and her bid smile as we drove away...truly a highlight of the week. :) Drove to Rockford (since we were so close, and so excited) and Bob, Norma and my mom met us at Dairy Queen to check it out. Got home uber (sp?) late.
Sunday, July 12: Church...still so thankful that Gabe is liking childrens' church, that he has a buddy there he looks forward to seeing. (Caleb continues to cry non-stop in the nursery...tried having him "Cry it out" today...Doesn't work with him.) Sara and the boys cleaned out the "old" van while I grilled chicken. Highlight of the day was taking Gabie to wash the old van tonight. We had some deep conversation. On the way to the car wash, there was a sermon on the radio (Yes, I listen to sermons sometimes when I'm driving:) about the Good Samaritan...Gabe heard the speaker say that it was a story about Justice, and Gabe asked me "Daddy, what is justice?" I tried to explain...how do you explain such a concept to a 4-year old? Then, the speaker quoted Jesus from the Bible, and Gabe goes,"That's not how God sounds when he talks." And we got into another discussion about what God sounds like when He talks. Interesting stuff...Got to a point where Gabe said "Okay, that's enough of this talk." Gabe really enjoyed helping wash the van and drying it with the vending machine chamois I tore in half so we could each have one. On the way home, way past Gabe's bedtime, we stopped at Baskin Robbins for their $.88 soft serve cones...good stuff. It was just so fun to sit there and talk with Gabe; that old "Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie...Louie, Louie, Louie, Louaah" song came on and we had fun singing it together in our falsetto voices, Gabe with ice cream all over his face. On the way home, Gabe saw a police car and we had yet another deep discussion, this time about the police. He had a lot of questions, but one of them was along the lines of "Are some police nice?" (Sidebar...It's frustrating to not be able to say what most people would want to say in that situation, that police are always "nice," except to people who do bad things, but personal experience (and the Chicago news)would tell me otherwise...Sometimes it's hard to be honest with a kid... ) Anyway, I just treasured that time with Gabe...Neat to see that significant 1-1 time doing mundane errands book-ended this week off and were a couple of my favorite memories...
It's been a great week. If you have read this far and want to see pics of any of this...maybe check Sara's blog...I need to get to bed; I have work tomorrow.
Monday, June 22, 2009
David (and Darth) after Dentist
If you have already seen "David after Dentist," check out the "Chad Vader" version.
If you haven't seen David yet, be sure to watch that first.
Good stuff. Gabe love to repeat the line, "Why is this happening to me?"
David...
And Darth...
If you haven't seen David yet, be sure to watch that first.
Good stuff. Gabe love to repeat the line, "Why is this happening to me?"
David...
And Darth...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Awww Man!
As of today, this is Caleb's new catch phrase. He gets it from Gabe, who I think got it from Swiper (circa Dora the Explorer). It's quite funny to hear him say it partially because it's funny to hear him sass with something other than "no," but also because it allows him to verbalize inner frustration in a way that, until today, he hasn't been able to articulate. For instance, he was about to go up the stairs and stumbled and fell back onto the floor. As he sat there he said, "Awww Man," which sounds more like, "Oh minn." Pretty funny...he's saying so much we should probably be able to catch it on video. He's a funny kid.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Marley, Me, and the Brevity of this Life
Sara and I watched Marley and Me this weekend. It's about a dog, but not really. It's really about this young couple and their stages of life from newly married to parenthood. I am pretty critical of movies, so when I say this, it might sound strange to those of you who know how difficult I am to please: I'd say it was a pretty good movie. One of the things that really struck me while watching it was just another reminder of how quickly these days we are given pass. (This was in the context of a weekend where I saw my brother graduate from high school...the same brother who, I think, was in kindergarten or 1st grade the first time he met Sara, the first week we were dating. The same brother, who upon this first meeting, asked Sandi to bring him to the basement, where Sara and I were hanging out, so he could show Sara how fast he could run).
And I couldn't help but to reflect on how quickly these days with our own little ones pass. And I felt sad about how I can so easily make my work, my rest & relaxation, my "needs" a priority over making the most of each day's opportunities with Sara and the boys. And I want so badly to have God's grace & wisdom for each step of the way.
And I couldn't help but to reflect on how quickly these days with our own little ones pass. And I felt sad about how I can so easily make my work, my rest & relaxation, my "needs" a priority over making the most of each day's opportunities with Sara and the boys. And I want so badly to have God's grace & wisdom for each step of the way.
Man, I'm Terrible
Okay, so I know I'm about as far behind on this blog promise as I could possibly be...It gives me the same feeling of a recurring nightmare I've had since the college days where I'm signed up for a class but have forgotten about it and only just remember it's there right at the end of the semester. So here I am, showing up for the final, hoping there's some way I can keep from failing.
Nonetheless, my aim is to have 52 posts here by the end of 2009, and it's almost June, and I'm almost halfway there, so I guess I'm doing alright. Sort of. I think the problem is that I really don't feel like writing about life's events (Sara covers that well enough for both of us), and I just am not feeling all that inspired to write anything thoughtful all too often. But I also know it really isn't fair to just post videos of guys falling out of chairs and count those as posts.
So I'm going to commit myself to this afresh...one entry a week from here on out.
Nonetheless, my aim is to have 52 posts here by the end of 2009, and it's almost June, and I'm almost halfway there, so I guess I'm doing alright. Sort of. I think the problem is that I really don't feel like writing about life's events (Sara covers that well enough for both of us), and I just am not feeling all that inspired to write anything thoughtful all too often. But I also know it really isn't fair to just post videos of guys falling out of chairs and count those as posts.
So I'm going to commit myself to this afresh...one entry a week from here on out.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Newsletter
The latest mentoring newsletter is now available online. Check it out to see what we're up to!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Quick one
So yesterday, Gabe and I were playing with his blocks while Caleb was doing the ABC puzzles (always has to do both of them at once). Caleb kept picking up letters and saying "Dee." Gabe whispers to me, "Caleb thinks all of the letters are D." And then he says, "I sayed it quiet so I wouldn't hurt his feelings."
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Breathing
So this month has been a tough one. Tough but good in some tough, but good, ways. As of about 4:30 on Monday, we got our grant application submitted, and I am finally getting some time to breathe. Ahhh.
I took the day off today and spent it with the boys. It was a busy day...First, we went to the zoo. We got there nice and early...there were seriously only 8 or 9 other cars in the lot when we parked. (Then about 20 buses filled with school children with varying levels of obnoxiousness pulled up, but I digress.) We were the second group through the admission gate and headed straight to the new dinosaur exhibit. It was pretty cool...they are all animatronic(?). Gabe and Caleb enjoyed them. Gabe needed reassurance regularly, though. He kept asking me to confirm that the new ones we'd see weren't real. The family play zoo was cool, too. No obnoxious school children there, so it was very pleasant. Gabe and Caleb had a blast playing in the Lemur area, playing and talking with a staff person there. I'll add some pics at the end. That's a lemur tail Gabe is wearing.
Caleb was so thankful for time at the zoo, he showed his appreciation by falling asleep on the way home and napping for 3 hours this afternoon.
While Caleb napped, Gabe and I did a little cleaning in the kitchen, cleaned out the van, and prepared the soil in the garden, even got about a third of it planted. This is our first year trying to do everything from seed, so we'll see how it turns out.
It was a good day. I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm really not. But it was good to get this day away to get refreshed a bit.
I took the day off today and spent it with the boys. It was a busy day...First, we went to the zoo. We got there nice and early...there were seriously only 8 or 9 other cars in the lot when we parked. (Then about 20 buses filled with school children with varying levels of obnoxiousness pulled up, but I digress.) We were the second group through the admission gate and headed straight to the new dinosaur exhibit. It was pretty cool...they are all animatronic(?). Gabe and Caleb enjoyed them. Gabe needed reassurance regularly, though. He kept asking me to confirm that the new ones we'd see weren't real. The family play zoo was cool, too. No obnoxious school children there, so it was very pleasant. Gabe and Caleb had a blast playing in the Lemur area, playing and talking with a staff person there. I'll add some pics at the end. That's a lemur tail Gabe is wearing.
Caleb was so thankful for time at the zoo, he showed his appreciation by falling asleep on the way home and napping for 3 hours this afternoon.
While Caleb napped, Gabe and I did a little cleaning in the kitchen, cleaned out the van, and prepared the soil in the garden, even got about a third of it planted. This is our first year trying to do everything from seed, so we'll see how it turns out.
It was a good day. I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm really not. But it was good to get this day away to get refreshed a bit.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I love technology, but not as much as you, you see?
Just not right now...like when you open an e-mail attachment, edit it, and close it, clicking "yes" to save changes, only to realize it saved to some temporary internet folder and your work is gone. What's up with that, Microsoft?
And it's post 11:30 PM and you decide to complain about it on your blog instead of doing the work all over again. Because doing the work all over again right now would mean that technology wins, and I need to let sleep win because I'm talking crazy.
Good night.
And it's post 11:30 PM and you decide to complain about it on your blog instead of doing the work all over again. Because doing the work all over again right now would mean that technology wins, and I need to let sleep win because I'm talking crazy.
Good night.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Happy Birthday, Sara!
I love you and am so thankful that we get to do this life together. I'd say more, but I'm tired and need sleepy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Humbled
Okay, so I know I haven't done well at keeping up with this, but I'm working on catching up. The way I see it, if I've got 52 posts by the end of the year, I made it, so here goes.
Another blog note, I'm finding that I'm quite hesitant to blog as thoughtfully, as genuinely as I would like. Not entirely sure what that's all about, but I'm going to try to be more real, more vulnerable here. For my own good, more than anything.
Work has been unbelievably, overwhelmingly busy for the past month. We had our annual "big event," the Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner this past Tuesday (Big thanks to Sara for being there to help for the afternoon/evening, to Mom for being here at the house so Sara could be freed up to help, and to Dad & Sandi for strapping on the hairnets and being part of our kitchen/service crew for the afternoon/evening. Your support and practical help is greatly appreciated.) This event is something I both look forward to and dread each year for the encouragement of seeing a bigger picture of the program and for the amount of work that it requires each year, respectively.
On top of this event, we are in the process of developing a program that will serve kids during their middle and high school years to ensure, not just their graduation from high school, but their entrance into (and completion of?) college. It's quite an exciting prospect, really. We're realizing it could be a way to really reach more into the lives of families to really make college a reality for the kids we serve, thereby doing more to potentially improve the options available to the kids. We are in a research and development phase for this program right now, where we've hired a great consultant to spearhead much of the work. I'm her point person, which means there's still a fair amount of hands-on work and mental energy on my part with it. The deadline for this phase of the project is May 31, at which time we should have a program developed and in line to launch this August.
On top of this, we've got a big federal grant due on the 20th, which, if we got it, would cover staffing costs for the program for up to 4 years (most of the costs...I don't want 100% federal funding for the limitations this would place on our expressing our faith). This thing requires an "up-to" 30 page project narrative. Ugh. We started the program 4 years ago with the blessing of a Dept of Ed grant...a lot of good things about it. But at the end of the day, private funding is so much better because it comes with so many fewer constraints. (Another blog entry all together)
This is also happening in the context of things being extremely tight at work financially (we are a non-profit...there is a recession)...A handful of my coworkers were laid off a few weeks ago, and there really are no guarantees that there will not be more.
So these are the bigger things going on, and, because I really want to do well with each of these things which are each pretty heavy responsibilities, I recently had a pretty simple epiphany: People who are successful leaders of large projects with large responsibilities, whether they be school principals, church pastors, or corporate officers are still just people. They just don't let the immensity of the tasks before them intimidate or crush them. They aren't intimidated by the task and find a way to rise to the occasion. I want to be one of those people...someone who can take on a ton and produce impressive results.
And I'm finding out that I'm not.
A couple weeks ago, right after I heard about the layoffs, was in the process of working on Dinner details, trying not to drop the ball on grad support development tasks, and finding out that we were going to go after this federal grant, I started getting nauseous. It was a Monday afternoon; I thought I had the stomach flu. I drove home (nice thing about living 5 minutes away), laid down for 20 minutes, felt better and went back to work. The same thing happened the next day, and the next, shutting me down to the point where I couldn't be even slightly productive for periods of 20-30 minutes or so. I couldn't even eat on these days...the thought of food was not very pleasant. The next couple of days were the days we took off to go to Coco Keys for Gabe's birthday...no "episodes" those days (and I ate just fine, thank you), so I've come to terms with this being an anxiety-related thing.
Last week, I asked our senior chaplain at work to pray for me about this. I really couldn't afford to be slowed down with the dinner coming up. I dreaded the thought of having this happen the day of the dinner, or even worse, when I was up front presenting throughout the night for that event. Amazingly, our chaplain said he'd pray fervently for me in this regard, and the past week, through the dinner, through yesterday even, passed without a single one of these episodes. I really believe God answered those prayers and carried me through the past week in a major way. I'm so thankful for that. I was so relieved...was glad the experience of feeling these attacks of nausea was done.
And then it happened again today. And today it was really humbling. It started when I was in a meeting with our grad-support consultant as we were laying out plans to set up focus groups with students and parents to get their input for this program. I had to cut the meeting short because continuing to talk exacerbated the nausea. After that meeting, I had to meet with our resource folks to talk about how we're going to pull together everything for this federal grant within the next week. And I couldn't fake it that I was feeling okay, so I had to tell them what was happening with me. I couldn't help but feel like the weakest link, like a liability rather than a leader, like damaged goods. And I hate that.
I normally thrive on busyness, on deadlines and having a variety of responsibilities at work. I really want to be one to rise to a challenge and to take it in stride. It is so frustrating that I have no control over this happening. (And yes...because I know the mother-types might read this and comment about it...I will be making a doctor's appointment). But this is really serving to humble me. To make me realize that sure, while people in positions with high responsibility are just people...that if I am ever going to be a person who will take on higher levels of responsibility and leadership, I definitely won't be able to do it in my own strength. And it's sobering to feel like lately, I'm reaching the extent of my own strength. Though my experience is minor in comparison to Paul's "thorn in the flesh" reference, I'm definitely reflecting on that passage because of its relevance to what I'm experiencing (quoted below from The Message):
"...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations...No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
One last note...this is a long post, Sara. Can I count it as more than one? :)
Another blog note, I'm finding that I'm quite hesitant to blog as thoughtfully, as genuinely as I would like. Not entirely sure what that's all about, but I'm going to try to be more real, more vulnerable here. For my own good, more than anything.
Work has been unbelievably, overwhelmingly busy for the past month. We had our annual "big event," the Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner this past Tuesday (Big thanks to Sara for being there to help for the afternoon/evening, to Mom for being here at the house so Sara could be freed up to help, and to Dad & Sandi for strapping on the hairnets and being part of our kitchen/service crew for the afternoon/evening. Your support and practical help is greatly appreciated.) This event is something I both look forward to and dread each year for the encouragement of seeing a bigger picture of the program and for the amount of work that it requires each year, respectively.
On top of this event, we are in the process of developing a program that will serve kids during their middle and high school years to ensure, not just their graduation from high school, but their entrance into (and completion of?) college. It's quite an exciting prospect, really. We're realizing it could be a way to really reach more into the lives of families to really make college a reality for the kids we serve, thereby doing more to potentially improve the options available to the kids. We are in a research and development phase for this program right now, where we've hired a great consultant to spearhead much of the work. I'm her point person, which means there's still a fair amount of hands-on work and mental energy on my part with it. The deadline for this phase of the project is May 31, at which time we should have a program developed and in line to launch this August.
On top of this, we've got a big federal grant due on the 20th, which, if we got it, would cover staffing costs for the program for up to 4 years (most of the costs...I don't want 100% federal funding for the limitations this would place on our expressing our faith). This thing requires an "up-to" 30 page project narrative. Ugh. We started the program 4 years ago with the blessing of a Dept of Ed grant...a lot of good things about it. But at the end of the day, private funding is so much better because it comes with so many fewer constraints. (Another blog entry all together)
This is also happening in the context of things being extremely tight at work financially (we are a non-profit...there is a recession)...A handful of my coworkers were laid off a few weeks ago, and there really are no guarantees that there will not be more.
So these are the bigger things going on, and, because I really want to do well with each of these things which are each pretty heavy responsibilities, I recently had a pretty simple epiphany: People who are successful leaders of large projects with large responsibilities, whether they be school principals, church pastors, or corporate officers are still just people. They just don't let the immensity of the tasks before them intimidate or crush them. They aren't intimidated by the task and find a way to rise to the occasion. I want to be one of those people...someone who can take on a ton and produce impressive results.
And I'm finding out that I'm not.
A couple weeks ago, right after I heard about the layoffs, was in the process of working on Dinner details, trying not to drop the ball on grad support development tasks, and finding out that we were going to go after this federal grant, I started getting nauseous. It was a Monday afternoon; I thought I had the stomach flu. I drove home (nice thing about living 5 minutes away), laid down for 20 minutes, felt better and went back to work. The same thing happened the next day, and the next, shutting me down to the point where I couldn't be even slightly productive for periods of 20-30 minutes or so. I couldn't even eat on these days...the thought of food was not very pleasant. The next couple of days were the days we took off to go to Coco Keys for Gabe's birthday...no "episodes" those days (and I ate just fine, thank you), so I've come to terms with this being an anxiety-related thing.
Last week, I asked our senior chaplain at work to pray for me about this. I really couldn't afford to be slowed down with the dinner coming up. I dreaded the thought of having this happen the day of the dinner, or even worse, when I was up front presenting throughout the night for that event. Amazingly, our chaplain said he'd pray fervently for me in this regard, and the past week, through the dinner, through yesterday even, passed without a single one of these episodes. I really believe God answered those prayers and carried me through the past week in a major way. I'm so thankful for that. I was so relieved...was glad the experience of feeling these attacks of nausea was done.
And then it happened again today. And today it was really humbling. It started when I was in a meeting with our grad-support consultant as we were laying out plans to set up focus groups with students and parents to get their input for this program. I had to cut the meeting short because continuing to talk exacerbated the nausea. After that meeting, I had to meet with our resource folks to talk about how we're going to pull together everything for this federal grant within the next week. And I couldn't fake it that I was feeling okay, so I had to tell them what was happening with me. I couldn't help but feel like the weakest link, like a liability rather than a leader, like damaged goods. And I hate that.
I normally thrive on busyness, on deadlines and having a variety of responsibilities at work. I really want to be one to rise to a challenge and to take it in stride. It is so frustrating that I have no control over this happening. (And yes...because I know the mother-types might read this and comment about it...I will be making a doctor's appointment). But this is really serving to humble me. To make me realize that sure, while people in positions with high responsibility are just people...that if I am ever going to be a person who will take on higher levels of responsibility and leadership, I definitely won't be able to do it in my own strength. And it's sobering to feel like lately, I'm reaching the extent of my own strength. Though my experience is minor in comparison to Paul's "thorn in the flesh" reference, I'm definitely reflecting on that passage because of its relevance to what I'm experiencing (quoted below from The Message):
"...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations...No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
One last note...this is a long post, Sara. Can I count it as more than one? :)
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