Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Quick one
So yesterday, Gabe and I were playing with his blocks while Caleb was doing the ABC puzzles (always has to do both of them at once). Caleb kept picking up letters and saying "Dee." Gabe whispers to me, "Caleb thinks all of the letters are D." And then he says, "I sayed it quiet so I wouldn't hurt his feelings."
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Breathing
So this month has been a tough one. Tough but good in some tough, but good, ways. As of about 4:30 on Monday, we got our grant application submitted, and I am finally getting some time to breathe. Ahhh.
I took the day off today and spent it with the boys. It was a busy day...First, we went to the zoo. We got there nice and early...there were seriously only 8 or 9 other cars in the lot when we parked. (Then about 20 buses filled with school children with varying levels of obnoxiousness pulled up, but I digress.) We were the second group through the admission gate and headed straight to the new dinosaur exhibit. It was pretty cool...they are all animatronic(?). Gabe and Caleb enjoyed them. Gabe needed reassurance regularly, though. He kept asking me to confirm that the new ones we'd see weren't real. The family play zoo was cool, too. No obnoxious school children there, so it was very pleasant. Gabe and Caleb had a blast playing in the Lemur area, playing and talking with a staff person there. I'll add some pics at the end. That's a lemur tail Gabe is wearing.
Caleb was so thankful for time at the zoo, he showed his appreciation by falling asleep on the way home and napping for 3 hours this afternoon.
While Caleb napped, Gabe and I did a little cleaning in the kitchen, cleaned out the van, and prepared the soil in the garden, even got about a third of it planted. This is our first year trying to do everything from seed, so we'll see how it turns out.
It was a good day. I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm really not. But it was good to get this day away to get refreshed a bit.
I took the day off today and spent it with the boys. It was a busy day...First, we went to the zoo. We got there nice and early...there were seriously only 8 or 9 other cars in the lot when we parked. (Then about 20 buses filled with school children with varying levels of obnoxiousness pulled up, but I digress.) We were the second group through the admission gate and headed straight to the new dinosaur exhibit. It was pretty cool...they are all animatronic(?). Gabe and Caleb enjoyed them. Gabe needed reassurance regularly, though. He kept asking me to confirm that the new ones we'd see weren't real. The family play zoo was cool, too. No obnoxious school children there, so it was very pleasant. Gabe and Caleb had a blast playing in the Lemur area, playing and talking with a staff person there. I'll add some pics at the end. That's a lemur tail Gabe is wearing.
Caleb was so thankful for time at the zoo, he showed his appreciation by falling asleep on the way home and napping for 3 hours this afternoon.
While Caleb napped, Gabe and I did a little cleaning in the kitchen, cleaned out the van, and prepared the soil in the garden, even got about a third of it planted. This is our first year trying to do everything from seed, so we'll see how it turns out.
It was a good day. I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I'm really not. But it was good to get this day away to get refreshed a bit.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I love technology, but not as much as you, you see?
Just not right now...like when you open an e-mail attachment, edit it, and close it, clicking "yes" to save changes, only to realize it saved to some temporary internet folder and your work is gone. What's up with that, Microsoft?
And it's post 11:30 PM and you decide to complain about it on your blog instead of doing the work all over again. Because doing the work all over again right now would mean that technology wins, and I need to let sleep win because I'm talking crazy.
Good night.
And it's post 11:30 PM and you decide to complain about it on your blog instead of doing the work all over again. Because doing the work all over again right now would mean that technology wins, and I need to let sleep win because I'm talking crazy.
Good night.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Happy Birthday, Sara!
I love you and am so thankful that we get to do this life together. I'd say more, but I'm tired and need sleepy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Humbled
Okay, so I know I haven't done well at keeping up with this, but I'm working on catching up. The way I see it, if I've got 52 posts by the end of the year, I made it, so here goes.
Another blog note, I'm finding that I'm quite hesitant to blog as thoughtfully, as genuinely as I would like. Not entirely sure what that's all about, but I'm going to try to be more real, more vulnerable here. For my own good, more than anything.
Work has been unbelievably, overwhelmingly busy for the past month. We had our annual "big event," the Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner this past Tuesday (Big thanks to Sara for being there to help for the afternoon/evening, to Mom for being here at the house so Sara could be freed up to help, and to Dad & Sandi for strapping on the hairnets and being part of our kitchen/service crew for the afternoon/evening. Your support and practical help is greatly appreciated.) This event is something I both look forward to and dread each year for the encouragement of seeing a bigger picture of the program and for the amount of work that it requires each year, respectively.
On top of this event, we are in the process of developing a program that will serve kids during their middle and high school years to ensure, not just their graduation from high school, but their entrance into (and completion of?) college. It's quite an exciting prospect, really. We're realizing it could be a way to really reach more into the lives of families to really make college a reality for the kids we serve, thereby doing more to potentially improve the options available to the kids. We are in a research and development phase for this program right now, where we've hired a great consultant to spearhead much of the work. I'm her point person, which means there's still a fair amount of hands-on work and mental energy on my part with it. The deadline for this phase of the project is May 31, at which time we should have a program developed and in line to launch this August.
On top of this, we've got a big federal grant due on the 20th, which, if we got it, would cover staffing costs for the program for up to 4 years (most of the costs...I don't want 100% federal funding for the limitations this would place on our expressing our faith). This thing requires an "up-to" 30 page project narrative. Ugh. We started the program 4 years ago with the blessing of a Dept of Ed grant...a lot of good things about it. But at the end of the day, private funding is so much better because it comes with so many fewer constraints. (Another blog entry all together)
This is also happening in the context of things being extremely tight at work financially (we are a non-profit...there is a recession)...A handful of my coworkers were laid off a few weeks ago, and there really are no guarantees that there will not be more.
So these are the bigger things going on, and, because I really want to do well with each of these things which are each pretty heavy responsibilities, I recently had a pretty simple epiphany: People who are successful leaders of large projects with large responsibilities, whether they be school principals, church pastors, or corporate officers are still just people. They just don't let the immensity of the tasks before them intimidate or crush them. They aren't intimidated by the task and find a way to rise to the occasion. I want to be one of those people...someone who can take on a ton and produce impressive results.
And I'm finding out that I'm not.
A couple weeks ago, right after I heard about the layoffs, was in the process of working on Dinner details, trying not to drop the ball on grad support development tasks, and finding out that we were going to go after this federal grant, I started getting nauseous. It was a Monday afternoon; I thought I had the stomach flu. I drove home (nice thing about living 5 minutes away), laid down for 20 minutes, felt better and went back to work. The same thing happened the next day, and the next, shutting me down to the point where I couldn't be even slightly productive for periods of 20-30 minutes or so. I couldn't even eat on these days...the thought of food was not very pleasant. The next couple of days were the days we took off to go to Coco Keys for Gabe's birthday...no "episodes" those days (and I ate just fine, thank you), so I've come to terms with this being an anxiety-related thing.
Last week, I asked our senior chaplain at work to pray for me about this. I really couldn't afford to be slowed down with the dinner coming up. I dreaded the thought of having this happen the day of the dinner, or even worse, when I was up front presenting throughout the night for that event. Amazingly, our chaplain said he'd pray fervently for me in this regard, and the past week, through the dinner, through yesterday even, passed without a single one of these episodes. I really believe God answered those prayers and carried me through the past week in a major way. I'm so thankful for that. I was so relieved...was glad the experience of feeling these attacks of nausea was done.
And then it happened again today. And today it was really humbling. It started when I was in a meeting with our grad-support consultant as we were laying out plans to set up focus groups with students and parents to get their input for this program. I had to cut the meeting short because continuing to talk exacerbated the nausea. After that meeting, I had to meet with our resource folks to talk about how we're going to pull together everything for this federal grant within the next week. And I couldn't fake it that I was feeling okay, so I had to tell them what was happening with me. I couldn't help but feel like the weakest link, like a liability rather than a leader, like damaged goods. And I hate that.
I normally thrive on busyness, on deadlines and having a variety of responsibilities at work. I really want to be one to rise to a challenge and to take it in stride. It is so frustrating that I have no control over this happening. (And yes...because I know the mother-types might read this and comment about it...I will be making a doctor's appointment). But this is really serving to humble me. To make me realize that sure, while people in positions with high responsibility are just people...that if I am ever going to be a person who will take on higher levels of responsibility and leadership, I definitely won't be able to do it in my own strength. And it's sobering to feel like lately, I'm reaching the extent of my own strength. Though my experience is minor in comparison to Paul's "thorn in the flesh" reference, I'm definitely reflecting on that passage because of its relevance to what I'm experiencing (quoted below from The Message):
"...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations...No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
One last note...this is a long post, Sara. Can I count it as more than one? :)
Another blog note, I'm finding that I'm quite hesitant to blog as thoughtfully, as genuinely as I would like. Not entirely sure what that's all about, but I'm going to try to be more real, more vulnerable here. For my own good, more than anything.
Work has been unbelievably, overwhelmingly busy for the past month. We had our annual "big event," the Mentor & Mentee Appreciation Dinner this past Tuesday (Big thanks to Sara for being there to help for the afternoon/evening, to Mom for being here at the house so Sara could be freed up to help, and to Dad & Sandi for strapping on the hairnets and being part of our kitchen/service crew for the afternoon/evening. Your support and practical help is greatly appreciated.) This event is something I both look forward to and dread each year for the encouragement of seeing a bigger picture of the program and for the amount of work that it requires each year, respectively.
On top of this event, we are in the process of developing a program that will serve kids during their middle and high school years to ensure, not just their graduation from high school, but their entrance into (and completion of?) college. It's quite an exciting prospect, really. We're realizing it could be a way to really reach more into the lives of families to really make college a reality for the kids we serve, thereby doing more to potentially improve the options available to the kids. We are in a research and development phase for this program right now, where we've hired a great consultant to spearhead much of the work. I'm her point person, which means there's still a fair amount of hands-on work and mental energy on my part with it. The deadline for this phase of the project is May 31, at which time we should have a program developed and in line to launch this August.
On top of this, we've got a big federal grant due on the 20th, which, if we got it, would cover staffing costs for the program for up to 4 years (most of the costs...I don't want 100% federal funding for the limitations this would place on our expressing our faith). This thing requires an "up-to" 30 page project narrative. Ugh. We started the program 4 years ago with the blessing of a Dept of Ed grant...a lot of good things about it. But at the end of the day, private funding is so much better because it comes with so many fewer constraints. (Another blog entry all together)
This is also happening in the context of things being extremely tight at work financially (we are a non-profit...there is a recession)...A handful of my coworkers were laid off a few weeks ago, and there really are no guarantees that there will not be more.
So these are the bigger things going on, and, because I really want to do well with each of these things which are each pretty heavy responsibilities, I recently had a pretty simple epiphany: People who are successful leaders of large projects with large responsibilities, whether they be school principals, church pastors, or corporate officers are still just people. They just don't let the immensity of the tasks before them intimidate or crush them. They aren't intimidated by the task and find a way to rise to the occasion. I want to be one of those people...someone who can take on a ton and produce impressive results.
And I'm finding out that I'm not.
A couple weeks ago, right after I heard about the layoffs, was in the process of working on Dinner details, trying not to drop the ball on grad support development tasks, and finding out that we were going to go after this federal grant, I started getting nauseous. It was a Monday afternoon; I thought I had the stomach flu. I drove home (nice thing about living 5 minutes away), laid down for 20 minutes, felt better and went back to work. The same thing happened the next day, and the next, shutting me down to the point where I couldn't be even slightly productive for periods of 20-30 minutes or so. I couldn't even eat on these days...the thought of food was not very pleasant. The next couple of days were the days we took off to go to Coco Keys for Gabe's birthday...no "episodes" those days (and I ate just fine, thank you), so I've come to terms with this being an anxiety-related thing.
Last week, I asked our senior chaplain at work to pray for me about this. I really couldn't afford to be slowed down with the dinner coming up. I dreaded the thought of having this happen the day of the dinner, or even worse, when I was up front presenting throughout the night for that event. Amazingly, our chaplain said he'd pray fervently for me in this regard, and the past week, through the dinner, through yesterday even, passed without a single one of these episodes. I really believe God answered those prayers and carried me through the past week in a major way. I'm so thankful for that. I was so relieved...was glad the experience of feeling these attacks of nausea was done.
And then it happened again today. And today it was really humbling. It started when I was in a meeting with our grad-support consultant as we were laying out plans to set up focus groups with students and parents to get their input for this program. I had to cut the meeting short because continuing to talk exacerbated the nausea. After that meeting, I had to meet with our resource folks to talk about how we're going to pull together everything for this federal grant within the next week. And I couldn't fake it that I was feeling okay, so I had to tell them what was happening with me. I couldn't help but feel like the weakest link, like a liability rather than a leader, like damaged goods. And I hate that.
I normally thrive on busyness, on deadlines and having a variety of responsibilities at work. I really want to be one to rise to a challenge and to take it in stride. It is so frustrating that I have no control over this happening. (And yes...because I know the mother-types might read this and comment about it...I will be making a doctor's appointment). But this is really serving to humble me. To make me realize that sure, while people in positions with high responsibility are just people...that if I am ever going to be a person who will take on higher levels of responsibility and leadership, I definitely won't be able to do it in my own strength. And it's sobering to feel like lately, I'm reaching the extent of my own strength. Though my experience is minor in comparison to Paul's "thorn in the flesh" reference, I'm definitely reflecting on that passage because of its relevance to what I'm experiencing (quoted below from The Message):
"...so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations...No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
One last note...this is a long post, Sara. Can I count it as more than one? :)
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A lot of catching up to do
Okay, I know I've got a lot of posts to do to keep my word to Sara. Life has been extremely busy with work in the past few weeks, and now that our big annual mentoring dinner at work is done, I should have a little more time to start catching up.
I saw this video on FB today and wanted to post it here in honor of Good Friday and Easter coming up in a couple days. I'll do some more thoughtful posts soon....
That's My King! from Albert Martin on Vimeo.
I saw this video on FB today and wanted to post it here in honor of Good Friday and Easter coming up in a couple days. I'll do some more thoughtful posts soon....
That's My King! from Albert Martin on Vimeo.
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